Nietzsche wrote: A thinker sees his own actions as experiments and questions--as attempts to find out something. Success and failure are for him answers above all.
What he didn't mention is the pain that goes with these trials and therefore if it is worth for oneself to get wiser.
Actually, he even implies that no feelings should be involved as experimenting requires one to be impartial.
I have this capacity of retracting myself from events as they happen, and to analyze them as they come but this state of consciousness (maybe lack of should i type) doesn't last for ever! Only Time heals the wounds and helps mending all the suffering choices are creating.
Hence i have this capacity of sucking in all elements of the so-called experiment but i also suffer more from the pain as it all hot me at once.
Time is my salvation.
Time is a beautiful thing!
It's like when you meet an old lover on the street six years later and they don't look so ugly anymore. I simply wonder if this applies also when you do not find this lover ugly as you see this beloved one walking away. Who do you meet then? Somebody who you now think you have been stupid to let go???
My ex has chosen a path a couple of month ago, and she followed it deep down. She even went to this small track the sun barely reaches, even in autumn. I didn't turn out to be a successful choice for her: she has lost everything she had and has to start everything from scratch now. I am even afraid that she has lost a part of her in this, whereas she use to bloom! She shrinks now, within herself and i cannot help her anymore...
I actually followed to the wood but two roads diverged in this wood, and I--I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.
I still have my sanity and my suffering is going away: i keep on moving and my dreams are safe from harm. It is only temporary.
The Passion i had for her is now gone as i have been betrayed too many times and i do not believe anymore in the possibility of an island. But Passion is the quickest to develop, and the quickest to fade. Intimacy develops/dies more slowly, and commitment more gradually still. I am now in this state where i look at what happens and i devoted myself to help her out because of all these things which are still linking us, knowing that i cannot (nor wish) fix all the problems.
Once she will geographically be far away, we will gently be diluted away.
She is still the one i look at believing she is amazing but now i also look at her and i realise that she would have brought me to Hell whereas all i want is to fly to heaven. I let myself be brought too close to the gates actually.
I still cannot figure out how such a waste could happen!
It takes two to tango but i'm telling you: it only takes one to fuck up!
Man, Time is a bitch but it helps dying happy obviously!
I will remember her as the Love of my Life!
Hopefully not, hopefully i will be lucky enough to meet another amazing woman.
I hope i will manage to trust her one day...
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