Today was a good and big day for me.
I went to the grave of my grand father to close a chapter of my life, easing my mind more.
For 18 years i have been living with guilt: i was convinced that i had seen my dead grand father after he hung himself and that i left him, just walking away.
I felt guilty of not beeing able to listen to his pain the night before he killed himself.
18 years of guilt but also probably what lead me to try to help whoever for 18 years, not giving up even when it obviously was hopeless or when i would deeply suffer.
Early this year, after talking to my mother, i learned that i didn't sleep over at his place and that i couldn't possibly be guilty of anything like this since i only got news when he was at the morgue.
I am not guilty of letting anyone down nor not handing in a responsible way such a crisis involving someone i love.
And i went wearing a shirt i bought with my princess, smelling like her perfume that she spread all over while in Hong Kong earlier this month: i was with her and i waved her good bye as i waived him good bye.
So long!
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