In tune, and singing...

Last time i posted a picture like this, i was alone and stable on two legs...
Well, I am now two and grounded one one.
Takes two to tango they say, well two makes also asanas much more fun!!!

lalalalalala....

sheath...

A wonderful painting is the result of the feeling in your fingers. If you have the feeling of the thickness of the ink in your brush, the painting is already there before you paint. When you dip your brush into the ink you already know the result of your drawing, or else you cannot paint. So before you do something, "being" is there, the result is there. Even though you look as if you were sitting quietly, all your activity, past and present, is included, and the result of your sitting is also already there.

thinking about people I interacted with lately...

And the only thought this brought was a quote from Wei Wu Wei:

'What's your trouble? Mistaken identity...'

This is real clear, and so true.

inter- dependancy / A new born

Ahhhhhh Paris,
Ahhhhhh the crispy morning breeze, the warmth of the espresso and the sound of the freshly baked chocolate croissant dipped in my cup.
That was my morning, that was awsome and that is my life.
I have spent an awsome evening sharing insights and stupidity, laughing and reflecting, and even if usually I do not bother about the past I have let my mind wander down memory lane.

We were talking, among other things, about 'the air I carry around' which was a consequence of this shiny armor i used to wear when i was so deep into believing i was a Knight who's duty was to slay the Princess' dragon. Any Dragon...

And i simply realized that not only the Princess needed a Knight, regardless of who was stuck in the armor (this part was clear to me for the longuest time), but also that the Knight was deeply needing a Princess in order not to face his own demons: regardless of who was really in the gawn.
This, somehow, wasn't so clear to me...

So i guess this is what happened to me last year when i have both dismantled the armor and walked away from the Princess. Not only have I enjoyed the sight of the rusty armor last night, but also I realized that the weight on my chest was gone: fresh air was FREELY rushing inside my lungs.

I am walking tall, and Reality is maybe unveiling sometimes: The glimpses of what I allow myself to sometimes see are making worth every seconds of what I have lived!

Yeah, I am free, alive and I have allowed myself tools to HEAL: but this is another story that I might tell later.

What matters is that any story couldn't have ever started without the end of this era of Chivalry.

The King is Dead, long live the King!

Time to sing something about the new born I guess!!!!!

watching my mind like an old wise man observes kids playing

and man, what an interesting thing to observe...

Turning my world upside down

You can't tell on the picture but I think i am happy...

A non-existent statue

I read this one evening and it struck me.
It might not be an eye opening to anyone, but i wish to keep this in my blog, for my reference later on at least...
It does summarize so well what happens and I would never have been able to even start typing something as good as that.

Here we go then:

Q: I once heard a Buddhist teacher say: “There is no thought in the mind of a Buddha.” How does that equate with the teaching of Dzogchen? There seems to be some contradiction here?

KD: It’s not really possible to comment on that without knowing the whole context of what was said. However . . . there is no attachment to thought in the Mind of a Buddha. There is also no conceptual limitation in the Mind of a Buddha . . . there are often problems with translation.

NR: Was this statement made in English?

Q: No, it was translated.

KD: So really we have no idea of what was actually said.

NR: You see . . . the idea that Mind without content is the conclusion of the path is almost like saying: ‘enlightenment is becoming a statue of a Buddha’.

KD: [laughs] Or the non-existent statue of a Buddha.

NR: There seems to be the notion among many people that: ‘The longer you sit in the thought-free state, the more enlightened you’ll become’.

KD: But when asked: ‘What process is at work in this empty-state which leads toward complete enlightenment?’ the answer is usually that: ‘Such things are ineffable and cannot be expressed in words’. It is true that words are limited and that enlightened experience is beyond concept – but if we are speaking of process, that can always be described by someone who experienced that process. Unless your practice continues into the process of integration – you stultify. You need to open yourself to flowing with whatever arises within the empty state we have discovered. Unless we are prepared to engage in that practice you will not evolve into full recognition of what you really are. Without this recognition, the general character of your life-experience will not change much – you will continue to experience unsatisfactoriness, frustration and turmoil.

—from the book Roaring Silence

PS: Get the latest Jack Johnson's album (Sleep through the Static)

Crying meditating...

Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense. - Buddha

I still wonder why i cried during my last meditation session...

But regardless, I hope this little lines are making sense to whoever reads them.

It happens...

Say goodbye to all your pain and sorrow, just let them go!
Say goodbye to all those lonely nights, just welcome them!
Say goodbye to all your blue tomorrows, cause today is tomorrow and today is amazing!
Now you're standing in the light, just look around.

Sometimes you feel so helpless, we're all the same.
Sometimes you feel like you can't win, but it is just your mind playing tricks on you.
Sometimes you feel so isolated

You'll never have to feel that way again
You are not alone
You're not alone

And even if i always felt it,
Never thought I'd find the road to freedom
Never thought I'd hear you smile again
Never thought I'd have the chance to tell you
That I will always be your friend, that I am still your friend

You are not alone
You're not alone

I wanted...

I was seating at the table of a bar, and looking around.
A group of people was at the next table and i did listen to what they were saying, it made me sad and I wrote these couple of lines when I came back home:

I wanted to be Jimmy Hendrix but I have no guitar and I don't know how to play.
I wanted to be Superman, but the suit doesn't fit: Saving the world isn't my thing anyway.
I wanted to be the 6 millions dollars worth man, but i'm earning only 15 thousands a year: I'd better save everyday!
I wanted to be the man of the year, but my determination was too weak.
I wanted to be the employee of the month, but I am not bright nor photogenic.
I wanted to be the surprise of the party, but i showed up the following day!
I wanted to be the one nobody expects but i fucked up the whole thing when i called for directions...
I wanted to be the new Messiah, but there are way to many already: I needed to take a number and wait in line.
I wanted to become Prime Minister, but I hate greed and I am not cunning enough...
I wanted to be SUPER, but i only consume ordinary fuel: I didn't want to be a gas station employee, ah well, that's a bit sad!
I wanted to be the life of the party, but I am not funny enough...
I wanted to the the man who saw the aliens but, where I live we only have squirrels...
I wanted to be John Doe, but even he probably thinks i am too insignificant...

I was there and now, living my Life and looking/hearing them tabling their expactations and how disappointed they were.
Fueling each others with the sadness about what things should be, could have been and not what they are.
The saddest part of all was to know that they weren't realizing the are the only owners of their actions and that what happens is only the result of these actions: nothing else really...

Stay bright!

Floating through the days...

How interesting are the days...
As i am typing this, the rain pours on the large glass windows of my place, and I observe the thunder striking in the far distance. The sound reaches me with the usual delay, and I embrace my life and all the lessons I have been so lucky to be taught up to now.
The water runs down the windows and through the thin layer of water I observe the thnder stricking the far distance. The sound, altered by the drops hitting the glass, reaches me with the usual delay, and I embrace my life and all the teachers I have been lucky to meet.
My mind is calm and does let me see, more and more, Reality as it is: the rain pours and the daily drops are still hitting my body but the sound remains the same, reaching me with the usual delay.

I float through my days and deal with things as they come and as they are getting rid of the perception I have of them: I am equanimous or try to be as much as I can.

I share the experiences with the beings I spend time with but do not share their vision of the Reality and the impacts they have on them. I am detached from them and welcome them all as they are.

The rain has stopped pouring and I am still observing in the distance the thunder, welcoming the sound if it reaches me with the usual delay.

Things are the same with or without me and I am not the center of anything special: I am just being Myself in this place where i live, my mind embracing all the people I know and all the ones I will never meet.

This inner journey is most interesting, and the path I walk the one leading me to new experiences. My mind tends to dwell into some remains of the past which i observe and let go, waiving them good bye. As it is done, it is obvious that they won't come back.

My future is now and now only. I am being here and now, not looking back nor looking forward to anything special: I am just naturally shaping things with my currents actions, responsible for the good and bad that will arise from this.

Action in non-action is a tough concept I am dealing with and I go through it thanks to my fellow men and what they do of what Reality brings.

I introspect and try to understand what they perceive of Life, the best way to love them I guess.

Nothing is bad or good, everything is as it is supposed to be and it is just a matter of the mind.
fighting against Reality just bring misery and ignorance is what leads to more suffering.

So, i sit crossed legged and think.
I watch and observe myself.
One day, maybe, I shall be seeing Reality as it is and not as I conceive it.

I, I, I...
Me, Me, Me they all say...

I just sit, crossed legged and observe, helping as much as possible.

Man, what a journey!
How interesting are the days, through which I float...

What a funny week...

If there are Gods, they are for sure having some clean fun, and they make me laugh!
If the Universe provides when it is necessary then It did serve me a full plate of it, I bow down.

Here i go explaining.

Last week i got a nice message from the past, reminescence from my closest past life, which i left painfuly when i think about it, but also from this whole past that lead me on the middle path i now walk.
I replied.
Then, this week end someone I don't know asked to be added to my skype account. The only thing i knew was the first name of this person, and this first name isn't just random but the one the one i sued to call Princess was given when born, I accepted since it was (I thought, lol) logically related to my reply earlier the same week. I didn't manage to be online when she was(I saw her disappear), so i sent another brief email explaining that i was sorry to have missed the connection but was hoping to get a chance in the near future.

Why is it funny?

Well there comes the funny part: I went to a class on sunday morning where i met a couple of people including a lady, nice and interesting people I must admit. We all chatted but i didn't ask for the first name, not really interested to know more about them as i was getting into the class already, thinking about what i wanted to ask and the couple of clarifications i was after.
The teachings went on, really insightful actually, and then came the time when the teacher asked students to show/share and this little lady struck me. She really did and made me laugh out loud in the middle of the class, didn't feel it come but for sure heard it as everyone else!

What made me laugh out loud is when the teacher thanked her and finished by disclosing her first name which is the same as the previous two others mentioned above.
Man! What a handful of homonyms that was in such a short laps, and for sure a handful of winks from the past!

But if one believes that they are no coincidences, then one also has to take into account the number of times this occurred as well as the time span: 3 times in 3 days, 3 being a really symbolic number in almost all religions and philosophies.

I am sincerely happy it happened as it showed how detached I am from it all.

So there I am with two emails sent to the past and still giggling about it.

But this is not all: It actually made me laugh so much that i had a joyful and light meditation last night and a really amazing wake up in the middle of the night: I was laughing hard, almost crying!
I woke up laughing! It is still wonder to me...

For the last couple of years, i used to wake up every nights because of nightmares and here i find myself laughing while sleeping, disturbed by my own noise!!!
What a wonderful Life that is.

So thanks to the Universe and/or the Gods as they surely made my last couple of days.
Let's hope they are having the same blast as I.

I am so looking forward to the coming month or years as days keep on improving!!!!!

Stay bright people, the light is shinning and all there is to do is to embrace it and wallow but more important: breath!!!!

It was a year ago...

It was a year ago...
Yes, a year ago I was for the first time fasting and enjoying my evenings with a superb soul: I was waiting for her to show up, late as usual, thrilled about the time i would be spending with Her.
And when she was eventually showing up, we were talking, and talking about many things: laughing and talking more, the both of us fasting.
So, I am fasting again, and even if she is not here with me anymore I enjoy this time of the year with sweet pleasure: It has now been 7 days that i didn't touch food, still I smile...
Last week as i was waiting outside of a restaurant, reading a book about 'Mindful breathing' written by a Thai monk that i got in Bangkok earlier this month, came this old little man.
With no reason, he spoke to me for a couple of seconds and simply told me that i was acting like a child: I was sitting on my chair, my feet balancing as children do... He said it was graceful to see someone with a light soul and with such a peaceful aura. He then went back to his family, spoke to an elder woman who looked at me and smiled. I smiled back...
It reminded me of Her, when i was starring at her without her knowing.
I embraced this little seconds of sweetness and dived into my book again, smiling.

My body, of course, as changed a lot also: I have become leaner and stronger.
I am more balanced and much more grounded I know.
Why 'of course'? Well, Mind and Body being so well interconnected, it is simply a consequence of what my Mind seems to be.

I feel good and look forward to the coming years: When will come the time of my last breath, I will happily leave this ground surrounded with the good i try to spread around.

A quote to finish this little mumbling, a quote that might also simply summarize what i wrote:
'A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions.' - Oliver Wendell Holmes

Lots of Mettha.

A quote...

In order to be effective truth must penetrate like an arrow - and that is likely to hurt. 'Posthumous Pieces' by Wei Wu Wei

I sense so much pain again

Sitting home, listening to the Piano Concerto No 5 of Beethoven i feel great..

But as i went through my daily meditation, i sensed a lot of pain and confusion coming from who used to be my Princess, and i am really sorry for her: i feel her pain and would like to know her free and happy.
I pause, check on myself and my alignement, I get deeper into me and still the feeling remains.
This misery that comes from within and keeps on returning: it is all coming from inside and has to do with the Inner. Happiness is not depending on the outside elements, it has to do with how we react to them.
The True Self is wrapped into many sheathes tell the Scriptures, and it is only by peeling the onion that It can breath, making us see Reality as it is.
These layers of misery and influences are making us perceive the World as it is not.

Moving on to Missa Solemnis, Beethoven still...

Breaking through is breathing through and opening the eyes on this World that always was here standing, waiting for us to embrace it.
I am happy i broke through but, man, i have a long walk on this middle path!!!

Breath Princess!

Returning to the past, and smiling.

Business trip back in Asia, and feet wandering in the city...
Nights away from the my designers' office alone, going through the city and using all available transportations I passed by all places I once discovered and enjoyed with my partner, back then.
And I smiled at Life since it was offering me to close the loop: I had never hoped nor thought about this!
I waived good bye everytime i was realising that i was there with her during my last trip: Life made me a great gift that i embraced with delight.

So here are a couple of lines for me, full of my smiles.
So here are the candles I lit up when I came back home: as they were burning away the strings attaching me, I embracing Reality.

So here is a part of the energy, quiet and powerful energy that I now constantly carry with me.

I was once complaining about this aura surrounding me, but i now feel right about it and what the others see and feel: peace.

I am peaceful and healthy, I am happy and enjoying the company of my real friends: i had once convinced myself that i had a soul mate: ahhhhhhhh perceptions once again...

My dedication to save others is gone and I now just speak about what I see and feel: others can live in a different reality where they suffer and dilute themselves, all I now do is listen try to understand and simply state what I see.

I hope You all are happy, and regardless I still send my most powerful thoughts when I meditate.

Stay bright.

Typically, my thoughts at night

Well, nothing could summarize better why I ended it...

But if you do not find an intelligent companion, a wise and well-behaved person going the same way as yourself, then go on your way alone, like a king abandoning a conquered kingdom, or like a great elephant in the deep forest. - Buddha

That's the truth...

So mote it be!

Today was a good and big day for me.

I went to the grave of my grand father to close a chapter of my life, easing my mind more.

For 18 years i have been living with guilt: i was convinced that i had seen my dead grand father after he hung himself and that i left him, just walking away.
I felt guilty of not beeing able to listen to his pain the night before he killed himself.

18 years of guilt but also probably what lead me to try to help whoever for 18 years, not giving up even when it obviously was hopeless or when i would deeply suffer.
Early this year, after talking to my mother, i learned that i didn't sleep over at his place and that i couldn't possibly be guilty of anything like this since i only got news when he was at the morgue.

I am not guilty of letting anyone down nor not handing in a responsible way such a crisis involving someone i love.

And i went wearing a shirt i bought with my princess, smelling like her perfume that she spread all over while in Hong Kong earlier this month: i was with her and i waved her good bye as i waived him good bye.

So long!